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Benjamin Kurkowski's Testimony

04.01.18 | Stories

    I grew up in a large family, and despite our size (or maybe because of it), I never felt truly known. This isolation left me feeling lonely and feeling not truly loved. In 7th grade, I decided to go to a Christian conference where I learned that God knew me and loved me and that He wanted to be in a relationship with me. This was my first exposure to just how much God loves me. Still, over the next few years, I couldn't help but seek love through other avenues. Relationships, achievements, popularity, partying. None of it could satisfy my longing for love. I still remember nights being the hardest and where I felt the deepest sense of loneliness.

    It was when I met a great girl in high school that I thought that hole could be filled. We became very good friends, and spent many nights talking till the very late hours of night, sharing everything about ourselves, and I felt so known and cared for. I began to look forward to the nights, which used to be so lonely, because I knew I wasn’t going to be alone. Eventually she grew distant and she decided to end our relationship, and that emptiness came rushing back stronger than I had ever felt.

    When I arrived on campus in the fall I was really hurting, but that's when I met a friend named John. John sought me out consistently and purposefully; inviting me to hang out, play games, and study. I thought it was awesome that this guy who knew nothing about me, wanted to spend time with me and get to know me. He really cared.  

    One night after Cru we were walking back to my dorm and John explained the Gospel to me. I was able to rediscover what I once knew: that I didn’t have to be alone, that God made a way for me to have a relationship with Him through His son Jesus Christ. God loves me and desires to be in a relationship so much, with me specifically, that he gave his Son as a sacrifice for my sins so that there was a way for me to come to Him. I truly remembered this amazing truth and decided to rededicate my life to Him that night; it was the best decision I have ever made, because I was able to have a relationship with God, who I knew that would never fail me and would never leave me, and had the best planned for me.

    After accepting Christ’s invitation to new life, I found great joy in knowing I wasn’t alone, that the God of the Universe had become my Father and I His son, and He wanted to know me and spend time with me. This knowledge enabled me to start living out my faith, not because it was the right thing to do, or as a task I had to do during my day, but because I was so overjoyed with the truth of God’s love in my life. I was able to learn and realize that spending time with God by reading the Bible, being with Him in prayer, and pursuing him through other opportunities like Bible studies and church was an opportunity and something I was able to look forward to. All my life I have been looking for a relationship that's truly "intimate". Through Christ, I found a relationship that couldn't be closer.